How to find who likes who

When something funny happens and people or a person in a group laughs, they will look at the person they like or care about in the group the most to see if they’re laughing too. When you notice this it’s quite easy to tell who likes who. Keep in mind that you will be looking at those you like most to see if they are looking at you too.

Reverse Psychology

Reverse psychology is an effective method you can use for making others do or say what you want. You simply tell them the exact opposite of what is desired. If they sense you are trying to get them to do something by telling them to do the opposite, a form of reverse psychology may operate. So they end up doing what you tell them, just to spite your attempts to control them.

The Long Pause

Watch out for the long pause in interviews, people in situations like this feel a need to fill silences and often reveal out stuff they wish they had not done.

… is that reasonable?

If negotiating with someone over a disagreement, explain your suggestion or opinion and finish with, “…is that reasonable?” People have a harder time calling someone unreasonable than simply disagreeing with a point, so this pushes others towards considering your perspective as valid.

Ask a Question and then Keep Quiet

The best way to get someone to elaborate something is to ask a question and then keeping quiet. They will give a short answer, but you do not respond, as if you are expecting then to say more. Most people will want to avoid the awkward silence and will start talking some more.

Pygmalion Effect

The Pygmalion effect is a good one. It’s essentially treating someone as if they’re capable of doing something, and they’ll rise up to the challenge. The opposite is also true (called the Golem effect)

The Socratic Method

The Socratic Method, the basic idea is to ask your opponent questions when you are arguing with them. Whereas normally you’d be building points to support your own argument or looking for flaws in their points, you can instead force them to start tearing it down themselves.

In a debate if someone is getting emotional, ask genuine detail and small questions related to the topic, because the more they have to stop and think rationally, the less emotional they’ll be.

If someone won’t stop talking

If someone won’t stop talking, drop something (keys, pen). Reach down to pick them up and start talking. It’s a way to interrupt without the other person realizing it.

The Ben Franklin effect:

The Ben Franklin effect is a proposed psychological phenomenon: a person who has already performed a favor for another is more likely to do another favor for the other than if they had received a favor from that person. People reason that they help others because they like them, even if they do not, because their minds struggle to maintain logical consistency between their actions and perceptions.

A person who has already performed a favor for another is more likely to do another favor for the other than if they had received a favor from that person. If you give someone something or do them a favor, you’re much more likely to do it again in the future. Being aware of it keeps people from taking advantage of you.

Every person develops a persona, and that persona persists because inconsistencies in one’s personal narrative get rewritten, redacted, and misinterpreted.

The foot-in-the-door technique

The foot-in-the-door technique is when a small request is initially made in order to get a person to later agree to a bigger request. An example of this is when a friend asks to borrow a small amount of money, then later asks to borrow a larger amount. Simply, agreeing to a small request increases the likelihood of agreeing to a second, larger request.

If a smaller request is granted, then the person who is agreeing feels like they are obligated to keep agreeing to larger requests to stay consistent with the original decision of agreeing.

You Treat Someone like a Monster, They Become a Monster

People become what you call them. You treat someone like a monster, they become a monster. If you call them lazy, they become one. To ensure that someone maintains a certain positive trait, compliment them for it beforehand. People are more likely to follow you if they have your approval, rather than trying to win it.

People most likely to choose the last option you give them

When purchasing additional things or services, people are most likely to choose the last option you give them. This trick is taught a lot in sales. You present the more expensive item last so that people buy the last option they heard.

At the End of Your Critique Tell Something Good

When you’re criticizing someone, an employee or a friend or anyone, at the end of your critique tell something good with compliments about the person. It makes them feel better about your meeting, even though they received important feedback for performance improvement.

Avoid irritating people by not using the word “you”

If you work with clients or customers, prevent them from getting defensive and angry by not using the word “you”. It’s not “you didn’t send the attachment”, it’s “the attachment didn’t arrived”. Don’t blame them, blame the thing you’re talking about. I don’t see the attachment you sent. Could you please send it to me again?” No blame. Acknowledges their prior effort as an unquestioned truth.

While debating, avoid “you” statements. If your goal is to persuade a person, use neutral language to avoid that as best as possible.

Thank people for their time rather than apologize for wasting it. 

When you need someone to wait a moment as you do something, or you have to finish something, say “Thank you for your patience” instead of “sorry for the wait”. Stop apologizing unless you’ve actually hurt someone. Thank people for their time rather than apologize for wasting it. If you’re apologizing then something’s wrong. If you’re thanking them something is right.

People More Likely Remember the First Item on a List

The Primacy Effect is a psychological trick that people more likely remember the first item on a list or speech and the Regency Effect is a psychological trick that people more likely to remember the last item on a list or speech.

The primacy effect describes the tendency to weigh information learned first more heavily than information learned later. When a person encounters a topic for the first time, the communication is perceived as novel and causes high activation. Any subsequent communication on the same topic produces less activation, and so the person will react according to the initial communication in an attempt to experience the higher activation.

Just Five Minutes

If you have trouble motivating yourself to do something like learn a skill (instrument, language etc.) tell yourself, “Ok, I’ll sit down and do this for just five minutes now!”

A lot of the time you’ll end up going for much longer than five minutes, but even if you don’t it’s still five minutes of practice in whatever the heck you wanted to learn in the first place.